Whenever I see the topic of breast feeding pop up anywhere online, it seems to spark a huge debate amongst parents from all sides. People who have never bottle fed, people who have only bottle fed, people who have done halfy-half and people who, like me, did it for a short while, and switched. Of course there are a lot of other scenarios but those are the main four.

I have seen endless debates surrounding breast feeding too, and honestly, it becomes a bit of a headache if you get involved in them all. We, as a nation, are clearly reliant on formula to fall back on, if needs be, and we definitely have a breast feeding crisis in the UK, with the rate of successful long-term breast feeding being extremely low. Ideally, in my eyes, everyone would try breast feeding, everyone would get on brilliantly with it, and bobs your uncle.

That being said, it isn't always that easy. Some people are unable to feed, some people just point blank refuse, and some people can't cope with it. One of the things I have stressed in my tiny online presence over the years is that we need to consider the mental health of the breast feeding parent when we are discussing this topic, as it is something that is so often overlooked.

Having tried and utterly failed at breast feeding both of my children long term, I made the choice to switch to formula at around 2 months (give or take a week) because I could no longer put myself through it. The decision was extremely hard, affected me for months and even now I find myself avoiding the topic because I feel quite ashamed and guilty.

I was conditioned by all of the pro breast feeding materials I consumed during my pregnancies into thinking quitting would mean I let them down. I then put more pressure on myself the second time because I'd failed the first time.

Both times I decided to quit, it took me weeks. I'd quit for a day, the hormones would rush in, I would think "oh come on, just carry on, you can do it" and I would start again. It mentally battered me. Even more so with George, because I was getting absolutely no sleep when he was demand feeding all night, and then I had a 2 year old to see to at 7am. The emotional part was even harder because I knew George was my last baby, and my last shot at breast feeding, and so the turmoil started over.

There was no health professional there to tell me about this part of it, and I couldn't find anything online that was even similar to the battle I was facing internally.

So here I am, telling you that it is okay to stop if you don't want to do it anymore. 

Your baby will be fine. Nobody will judge you. Don't worry about the rates, and what people may say. It is one of those things, and you need to do what is best for you, because you are caring for the child/ren, and you can't do that if you're unhappy, in pain, exhausted or stressed.

I admit I just could not cope. I began to detest the sound of George crying, because I knew it meant I would be sat with him for hours unable to move. My back would hurt, my arms would hurt, and because he was born almost a month early he was feeding endlessly for the whole 2 months. I never got a break. I spoke to the appropriate people for support but there was nothing they could do about how much he was feeding. Nobody was going to come and babysit for me while I slept, or look after my toddler.

It was my right as a human to be happy, just as much as it was his right to be fed.

Instead of getting married, I decided to change my surname to match my partners, and I have also changed my title from Miss to Mrs. 

Now, I know this information is pretty irrelevant to my blog as I don't think I ever actually shared my surname on here, and you probably wouldn't have noticed if I didn't mention it. In fact, the reason why I am posting this is because I have both enquired and scoured the internet looking for answers to these questions so many times in the past, and I am yet to find something similar that outlines the process in an easy and, for lack of a better word, dumbed-down fashion.

So here I am, describing exactly what I did and what this means, as best as I can.

First up, changing your name via deed poll is probably one of the easiest things you could do. 

You can decide right this instant that you want a new name, and everyone must call you it from now on, and that is your legal right. There are no laws in the UK about changing your name, however there are restrictions on what you can change it to, nothing offensive or blasphemous, etc.

For some reason, I was under the impression that 'deed poll' was an organisation that you had to contact in order to change your name and pay a hefty sum to. This is false. A deed poll is a legal document that states your change of name. AKA - It's a piece of paper that says "this is my new name, I will not use my old name, here is my signature and here are the signature of my witnesses who vouch for me".  Obviously there are terms and some official wording you need to use, but that is the overall summary. When you search "deed poll online", you're being greeted by hundreds of websites that offer you the option to change your name online. There are prices that range from as little as £3 to £50+, and the more you pay the more you're being scammed, unfortunately.

The reality is, you can do this for free if you want, via this website here.

The companies use fancy paper and may send you a bunch of copies with a stamp on that will look a bit more official but it's all the same thing so it depends what your budget is completely. You can enrol your name via the government but a lot of websites don't advise to do this as you can only enrol a new name 3 times in your life, and an 'unenrolled' version (the signed document stating your new name)  is exactly the same and legally has to be accepted, and it is, by the passport office, HMRC, DVLA and all other government bodies in the UK.

I didn't actually opt for a free version, I ended up going for deedpolloffice and I paid £15 including delivery for 1 copy. The only reason why is because it would have ended up costing me the same price to go to the library, get decent paper and print it out and then i'd end up with the risk of it only being accepted by some places and not others. Deed Poll office has the best reviews from what I found (not an ad obviously, just my experience), a lot of people state that it is accepted by all organisations, and if for some reason it isn't, they provide you with all of the information, such as a cover letter and a letter of concern for companies, who may not be respecting your wishes.

I would state that you should absolutely do your research on the company you settle for if you do decide to do this, because a lot of them are purely out for money. 

This article by the Guardian, stating which websites to avoid, also helped me a lot during my research.



In terms of marriage, I discovered that there are absolutely no laws against telling people you are married even if you are not (for example, if somebody asks and you don't want to say no, you are within your right to do so, as long as it isn't to commit fraud or on a legal document), and you also have every right to change your title to whatever you want at any time. A lot of people who have changed their surname instead of opting for marriage choose to call their partner their husband/wife, and that is completely up to them.

Me and Anthony are not going to be calling ourselves husband and wife, though, and we always just refer to each other as our 'partner'. We have been engaged for almost 3 years, and the only reason we aren't married currently is because we simply haven't got the money. I wanted to have the same name as the kids, and we want to get married when we can do it properly and actually get incredibly drunk with our grown up children without having to worry about them. The only downside is that when we eventually get married, our surnames will be the same already. On the plus side, I will have already changed all of my documents over, so it won't be as much of a bother then.

On top of this, I don't really know anything about marriage. I had a quick google last week of registry office costs and was left baffled by the process and the whole 'notice to marry' thing, and honestly the whole topic makes me feel a bit stressed. I couldn't imagine having to go through that, and organise a party, and not be left utterly torn to pieces at the end of it.

Putting it off seems a much better option for us right now.

I really hope you have found this helpful and if you have any questions please leave them for me down below, and I will get back to you as soon as I can. For now, we are just celebrating my new surname which I still haven't quite got used to!

Quick disclaimer to add: Changing your name and title via deedpoll instead of getting married does not give you the same rights as a married couple, obviously. If you want to appear to be married without the hefty sum though, this is the one for you. 

"In 2016, a government-commissioned review said child criminals should be given life-long anonymity. 

Pippa Goodfellow of the Standing Committee for Youth Justice, said anonymity is an important part of the rehabilitation of children who offend - and naming them as adults, especially in the age of social media, "makes it very difficult for them to put their past behind them". 

She told the BBC: "If a child who had turned their life around was identified upon reaching adulthood and labelled 'an offender', this could have disproportionately negative affects on their relationships, education and employment opportunities."

Do you believe that child killers should have their identity protected?#AaronCampbell #JamesBulger #JonVenables #AnaKriegel

— Fern (@fernoliviablog) June 19, 2019

I would love to hear your opinion, regardless of if you agree or not. You can reply via Twitter, or leave a comment below. 

• Disclaimer: I did not intend on going into depth about any of these cases, and have purposely avoided talking about most of them in detail as that is a different matter entirely. I have used Ana's case as an example because of the recent media coverage. I am just as disgusted as everybody else following the details released about Ana's brutal murder, and the two teenagers accused. I do not sympathise with them, at all, and my heart goes out to Ana's family during this difficult time. This is purely an unbiased discussion about whether children who murder should be given another chance or not. I have included links for most of the things I discussed if you would like to read about any of it in more detail. 

There's only one time in my life where I have been confident in the way I looked, and that was when I was around 16-18 years old and I lost 3 stone. I was receiving so many compliments out of the blue, I had horrible "boys" telling me I looked so much better now I was thin, and for some reason I actually took it all as a compliment. I absolutely enjoyed every second of it, as it was the first time in my life that I had received so much positive attention, sadly.

I have never been a thin girl. 

Throughout my early years and childhood I always had "puppy fat", as people liked to tell me, and they all just assumed I would lose it one day. I was never 'fat'. Looking back, during school years when I felt huge I was realistically a size 12-14 at best, but to my peers I was the biggest one and I stuck out like an enormous sore thumb. They were all size 6-8's and shared clothes when we were getting ready for parties and I obviously couldn't join in. I acquired nicknames like the "BFG" but F stood for fat instead of friendly, and I used to cry about this at some point every day after school. I promise I am not trying to build a sob story here, I just want to give you a bit of context.

I also shot to around 5 foot 10 when I was 14 and that inevitably added to my growing self doubt. I was a larger body size and generally taller than most people around me, the boys, my own parents and even some of my adult male teachers. School is a horrible place for building insecurities, truly.

So when I decided to crash diet and it got me compliments, it instilled that little part of me that always believed that being thin was the goal and if you're bigger, you are invisible and worthless.

I think I have subconsciously carried that ideology with me throughout my life so far, and if you let it, it gradually wears you down more and more. Whenever Anthony has taken pictures of me, I have immediately looked at myself to see how big I look. It is the first thing I comment on "oh my god, did you have to take it from that angle? you can see all of my chins". When you are insecure, you just can't help it. You look for your insecurities and how noticeable they are constantly. It means that you have barely any pictures because you just can't bare to see yourself.

Obviously now, after 2 kids, 2 emergency c-sections, a 5 stone weight gain and a whole lotta' stretch marks, I can't exactly expect to be rocking a body like the 16 year old version of myself that I once was, and only recently have I started to accept that this is who I am.

Thanks to Instagram, we are seeing a growing popularity in bodies that are the 'unconventional' beauty type. Of course, I am not saying being thin is a bad thing though. I think whatever size people feel comfortable at is the size they should be, and they should feel happy being that size no matter who says what. I feel like the plus size community is starting to be increasingly represented on Instagram though, and it truly helps people like me who has always felt ashamed and had comments about my weight throughout my whole life.

I have spent so many of my precious days on this earth worrying about how many calories I am eating, or whether I should join slimming world again, or if I should really eat that extra bit of pizza that I really want. It becomes a torturous mindset that you can never escape from in a healthy way, and who wants to live like that? Life. Is. Too. Short.

It's taken me until now to realise that the size of my body does not define who I am as a person, and my worth is not measured by any number, whether that be on the scales, my BMI or a measuring tape. To truly not care and to accept who you are for what you are is the only way to move forward.

If something dreadful happened to me tomorrow, I would be devastated that I hadn't lived my life properly, worrying about if I look too big, and spending years hiding myself under oversized clothes feeling worthless - well, if I came back to haunt those horrible people who told me I looked so much better when I lost weight, anyway.

I also have so much admiration for people who are body confident regardless, and I think people who embrace their bodies look so beautiful no matter what they look like. It reminds me of my favourite Roald Dahl quote "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

If that isn't a quote to live by I don't know what is.


I took this photo when I started slimming world a few months ago as a progress picture. I kept thinking "if I could just lose weight off my arms I could wear t-shirts", "If I didn't have rolls on my back, I would look so much better in tighter clothes". I feel really nervous adding that to this post, as I have never showed myself in this way before. I always breathe in, choose a deceptive angle or crop the 'bad' bits out.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to wake up tomorrow immediately willing to show off my over-hang, my rolls and my arms that flap in the wind, but I am making a promise to myself that I will make positive changes every day to see myself in a more accepting light.

To top this post off, I just want to share with you some of my favourite body positive Instagram accounts that I have come across recently:

- BodyPosiPanda
- MollyJForbes
- TheBirdsPapaya
- EffinItUpFaye
- FullerFigureFullerBust
- LifeWithIvyCoco

If you want to follow me, you can here: